Earth Ain't a Bad Place to be

"Tell me, Connie, tell me what it is you see."

Connie Egge stared back at Dr. Terry Teeples blankly, she stared through him, returning from the depths of a deep trance that the good doctor had pulled her out of only moments ago.

"Sticks and stones and broken bones is all my eyes do see", she mumbled, "All things considered, and truth be untold, Earth ain't a bad place to be."

Nother Friggin Day in Paradise

Jerry Kirchfeld awoke to the smell of a long gone party.  Vomit had dried on his left arm.  It was red.  Vodka cranberries, he remembered.  The alarm clock on the mantle flashed 12:00 over and over.  He was at his brother Zeb's place.  Jerry checked his watch.  Twelve-oh-two.  Goddamn.  The mantle clock was right for once.  He had missed work, or, technically, was still late for work, but he would look even more foolish going in five hours late than he would not showing up at all.  Friggin' Dougie's pissed, Jerry mused.  Fuck 'em.  Life goes on.  Jerry stumbled over to the bathroom.  Friggin' Zebbie ain't gonna be too happy about that puke on his carpet, neither, he thought.  Friggin shitty day.  Killer hangover to boot.  In the bathroom, he had himself a quick birdbath, washed his teeth with his finger, and popped a few aspirins.  A rhyme his daddy used to tell him kept going through his head, on a loop; "Here's to the future, here's to the past, here's hopin' yer ass had a hearty blast."  A hearty blast, indeed, thought Jerry, as he remembered Cheryl Feeney flashing her boobs around for everyone and their brother.  Hot damn, now that was a party.  Cheryl wasn't much of a looker, but she had some nice melons.  Jerry found some 409 and an old sponge under the bathroom sink, and trudged back out to the lazy boy to clean up his mess.  On his knees, scrubbing up puke, Jerry felt defeated.  What a friggin life, he thought.  Is this it?  Is this what I was put on this earth to do?  Get pissed up every other night, get to see Cheryl Feeney's titties, and puke on my brothers floor?  Here's to the future, here's to the past, here's hoping yer ass had a hearty blast.  Friggin hearty blast indeed, thought Jerry.  Friggin hearty blast indeedy.

Yoo and Tanner Lee Boyle

This is a story 'bout a boy named Yoo
who lived in a town where there's nothing to do
and no one around to do anything with
except Mrs. Greely and and Old Mr. Smith
and Tara and Fern, the Beverly girls
and Tanner Lee Boyle, only friend in the world
that Yoo's ever known and though sometimes a pain
Tanner Lee means well, goes out of his way
to help out a friend, to aid and abide
Yoo and Tanner Lee would spend their time
all of this summer at each others side.
Our story begins on a morn soaked with dew
outskirts of a town with nothing to do
'cept riding one's bike where one doesn't belong
through empty lots and other folk's lawns
and into the fact'ry that's since been abandoned
and out to the lake, and into the campground
'til under the bridge we find our friends
Yoo and Tanner Lee smoke cigarettes
and play poker with cards with pictures of women
without any clothes on and they try to spit in
an old tin cup 'bout a meter away
and so do our friends carry on with their day
til the day subsides and falls to night
back on their bikes our boys take flight
through the camping grounds, factory, other folk's lawns,
back through the lot where Yoo heard a sound
off of his bike he did spin around
onto his knees with an ear to the ground
heard strange rumbling, tumbling some where
deep in the earth he heard crumbling there
Tanner Lee stopped, and looked to the sky
time stopped for Yoo and they both wondered why
or what it could be, a freight train or plane
or had their young brains just gone insane
for this sound was too loud, it was really a feeling
Tanner Lee spun, but Yoo was still kneeling
when out of the sky came rolling and ripping
a great ball of fire, sped over the city
and into the trees not a mile due west
“The end all”? Asked Tanner Lee under his breath
Yoo said “Aliens, I think have just landed”
without one more word the boys had abandoned
the factory lot and did head for the fires
they could see the glow from no more than two miles
Here's Harlan Juniper's old Chevy truck
it looked like our boys may just be in luck
Harlan pulled up and the boys jumped inside
and they raced off to see what might have collided
and what could've shaken the ol terra firm
it wasn't too long til they got to the turn
out by Terry Fry's place, and then Hap Todd's farm
they wheeled into Hap's drive, and there in the yard
was Hap, his wife Linda and their only boy Cy
standing round embers at the top of the drive
As things turned out, or at least in the paper
the scientists up at the research center
said “about 8:52 on this twelfth of July,
a large piece of space junk did fall from the sky”
but Yoo and Tanner Lee know that the truth
that large piece of space junk did change their youth.
The world seemed so small, and how big the sky
the image of fire in Hap Todd's drive
was forever embedded in our boys young minds
and for years ever after they both would find
that every spring, when they'd smell that smell
They'd remember the wonders of life and swell
with pride in their hearts and recall from their youth
the space junk storm of two thousand and two.